…no really. That was not reverse psychology.
<a href=”http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/14675547/?claim=rvrredvpexd”>Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>
Just claiming my blog on Bloglovin’.
Imperfect Glimpses
Current Life Soundtrack
I’ve spent the last four months listening to the same five albums over and over. I thought it’d be fun to share them today, as these artists and songs have spoken to my heart time and again. The lyrics in many of these songs have great power and I love that they get stuck in my head.
Just this morning I was switching back and forth between these two refrains.
“You don’t give Your heart in pieces / You don’t hide Yourself to tease us.”
“So I will wake and spend my days loving the One who has raised me up / From death to life, from wrong to right / You’re making all things beautiful”
The albums are below, with a list of my favorite songs from each.
Brave New World (Amanda Cook) – Mercy, Kind, Pieces
The Undoing (Steffany Gretzinger) – Out of Hiding, Cecie’s Lullaby, Promise I Always Will
Alive Again (Matt Maher) – Remembrance (Communion Song), Christ is Risen, You Were on the Cross, Garden
Let it Be Jesus (Christy Nockels) – My Anchor, Everything is Mine in You, Let it be Jesus, Find My at the Feet of Jesus
We Will Not be Shaken (Bethel Music) – We Will Not Be Shaken, Ever Be, No Longer Slaves, You Don’t Miss a Thing, In Over My Head (Crash Over Me)
Something to Gain vs. Nothing to Lose
This week I listened to Jen Hatmaker teaching from Mark 10. She compared and contrasted James and John asking Jesus for a place of honor in glory to Bartimaeus calling to Jesus, saying, “Lord, have mercy!”
I paused podcast several times to write out her words verbatim because it convicted me so strongly. I immediately thought of race relations in the United States when she spoke, though she did not mention them. Here are my notes.
“Those of us at the top of the ladder are going to have the hardest time with this. Jesus said that in so many ways because the more we gain, the more we will feel like we earned it. The more we achieve, the more we want to protect it all. The more we rise, the further we get from the bottom, which is where Jesus said he could always be found. The more we have, the harder it is to count it all as loss.”
Those of us who are rich are going to have the hardest time following Jesus.
In both stories, Jesus asks the same question. “What do you want me to do for you?” The answer to this question reveals our hearts. Our words and actions may be “right” but our wants reveal what kind of disciple we really are.
Soren Kierkegaard calls the two groups “those who esteem Christ and those who follow Him.”
Am I lifting Jesus higher in hopes that I rise too? Is my faith self-serving? Am I pandering to Jesus while praying, “Lord, make me awesome”?
To follow Jesus is to live like He lived.
Do I follow Him because I have something to gain, or because I have nothing to lose?
“Loving Jesus and being loved by Him is going to have to be its own reward.”
What I Learned: March 2016
It’s so cliche but I really cannot believe we are 1/4 of the way through 2016! I’ve stayed busy with work and classwork and I guess I haven’t paid much attention.
I spent some time this morning looking over my quarterly goals from January to March. Some were accomplished, but most were not. As always, I did a better job meeting my external goals than internal ones.
For the second quarter of the year, I plan to focus on these internally centered goals: health and rest. I listened to a sermon a few weeks ago about the importance of Sabbath rest. It is a commandment, but I know I don’t heed it the way I do the others. Intentional rest is an outside sign of trust…trust that the Father will take care of His child.
Here are a few other lessons I learned this March.
- Taking two classes at once was a big mistake. By the grace of God, I am getting through it, but May 31 cannot come soon enough. I finished one class on March 21, but another one start the 28th, so I will finish 3 this semester.
- Academic writing is HARD! This is a result of #1. One of my classes is killing me. I haven’t had to write in APA format for years.
- Fellowship brings life. I started attending a new small group in February and it has been a joy. I am so thankful.
- I tend to make life decisions out of fear. This could be its own post but for now, I will just leave it here. I don’t like this about myself. I think it is a big reason why I have trouble finding rest.
Tethered
“Wandering one: As it was Jesus who drew you when He said, ‘Come,’ so it is Jesus who keeps you when He says, ‘Abide’. The grace to come and the grace to abide are alike from Him alone…the chord of love that drew you near…holds you fast and binds you to Himself.” –Andrew Murray, in Abiding in Christ
What a comfort and joy to know that I do not have to hold on for dear life! The True Vine has already tethered Himself to me.
Sunday Song: Somewhere in the Middle
This song describes so much of my life in this moment. I find myself caught in the middle in so many ways. I work in a middle school — every day I’m helping kids who are caught in the middle between youth and adolescence find words to describe their emotions. My coworkers also come to me to express their frustrations; in adult drama, too, I am caught in the middle.
In my spiritual life….walking on this narrow road…waiting for the day when faith becomes sight….when I finally see Him face to face. I am caught in the middle between dim sight and full understanding.
It’s a beautifully frustrating tension. His kingdom: already here and not yet consummated. He makes Himself known, but only partly. He reveals His will and yet I don’t always recognize the purpose.
Do I believe Him? Do I trust Him? Not just in this, or for that, but in all things at all times? Do I believe that He is for me? That His grace is enough?
“Hope shall change to glad fruition//Faith to sight and prayer to praise”
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find meSomewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find meJust how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middleSomewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing wavesSomewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find meJust how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle
My Hope for the 30s
I turned 30 on Monday. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it wasn’t bad at all. Thanks to my wonderful family and friends, I celebrated all weekend and felt loved and richly blessed.
Still, there is something bittersweet about a new season, a new era. My twenties were nothing as I’d hoped or imagined. Some of my deepest longings are still unfulfilled. Yet God is faithful. While these past ten years did not go the way I planned, it hasn’t been all bad. I have strong relationships with my now adult siblings, a great job, a wonderful church family, and more blessings than I can count.
God’s goodness will continue through the next ten years. I have dreams of what they will bring, and at this moment, I will be devastated if these dreams are still just dreams at 40. But even if He does not….He is still good. I will praise Him.
On the morning of my birthday I looked through Scripture to find His promises for my thirties. Not promises of health and wealth, not even happiness or family.
These are the promises to which I will cling:
- He who began a good work in me will carry it to completion (Philippians 1:6)
- I have a beautiful inheritance (Psalm 16:6)
- He will make known to me the path of life (Psalm 16:11)
- No good thing will He withhold (Psalm 84:11)
- He will give me songs in the night (Job 35:10)
- I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13)
Sunday Song: God Forbid
He is personal yet incomprehensible.
Full of mercy and yet the Righteous Judge.
Abounding love and unrelenting anger.
Gentle and all-powerful.
It is far too easy to focus on His smallness at the expense of His overwhelming greatness. Our minds simply cannot understand fully, so we tend to hold on to what makes sense in our minds. I don’t want to make Him small. He will not fit into a human mold.
He must become greater, I must become less.
This song captures the tension beautifully. [click on the song title for a link to youtube]
The more I know Your power Lord, the more I’m mindful
How casually we speak and sing Your name
How often we have come to You with no fear or wonder
And called upon You only for what we stand to gain
Lord, I often talk about Your love and mercy
How it seems to me, Your goodness has no end
It frightens me to think that I could take You for granted
Though You’re closer than a brother, you are more than just my friend
God forbid that I find You so familiar
That I think of You as less than who You are
God forbid, that I should speak of You at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart, God forbid
You are Father, God Almighty, Lord of Lords, You’re King of Kings
Beyond my understanding, no less than everything
God forbid that I find You so familiar
That I think of You as less than who You are
God forbid, that I should speak of You at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God forbid, God forbid, God forbid
Whiter than Snow
This dog, y’all. He’s honestly one of the best things in my life. He’s a joy and a comfort and, oddly enough, God has used him to teach me so much of His truth in the last four years.
Consider this the first in a series of posts I’ll call “Lessons from my Dog”.
Finn loves a good snowstorm, especially when the snow is fresh and the plow hasn’t gone through the neighborhood. It is so fun to watch him run at full speed up and down our empty street.
One thing that always strikes me during that first snowstorm of the year is how he stands out against the white snow. I often think of him as a white dog, but the reality is he’s a dirty blonde. 🙂
He really does stick out like a sore thumb.
I can’t help but think about what Scripture says about us when I compare Finn to the fresh snow.
“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” (Psalm 51:7)
“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow…” (Isaiah 1:18)
We are filthy when compared to God’s holiness. Only He can clean us and make us white as snow. At best, all our good works can only make us as white as Finn. We look good at first glance, but when held up against the standard, we are actually complete frauds.
Isaiah says it this way: “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.”
Purify me, Lord. Wash me white as snow. It is only by Your grace that I am saved.
This Cloudy Glass
I finally bit the bullet and bought a domain. I’ve want to do this for a while but could never decide on a name. My blog topics fluctuated so frequently and I hadn’t figured out my niche (maybe I still haven’t). I only knew I didn’t want the site to be named after me because I would like to keep some semblance of privacy on the internet.
Then on Monday I figured it out. Or figured out that I will never have any of it figured out. And that’s it!
This Cloudy Glass is a play on 1 Corinthians 13:12. I am a thinker and a dreamer and I read and study and try my best to figure out God. All my knowledge is but an imperfect glimpse through a dirty mirror, through stained glass. My perceptions, even in my greatest moments of clarity, are grossly distorted.
I chose the name as a constant reminder that I will never full know in this life. It is a call to humility and a call to keep seeking the One who reveals Himself. It is a call to be content with not knowing everything and hold fast to what can be known.
As David says in Psalm 131:
My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.
Not everything on this blog will be deep, but I will begin to share more of these glimpses, imperfect as they may be.
I am simply one poor beggar telling another where I’ve found bread.
This Cloudy Glass 