My heart is not proud, O Lord,
My eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
Or things too wonderful for me.
I have been thinking a lot about grace lately. Trying to understand WHY this great gift of salvation was just handed to me at the age of five. Why I was given two incredible parents who love God and love one another. Why I never had to worry about where I would sleep at night, when I would get my next meal, whether my loved ones would still be around from one day to the next. Why God kept me on such a short leash that I have no dramatic story to tell on Sunday when I stand before a congregation and fulfill the Lord’s command of baptism.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not at all wishing I had a story like that to tell. I am so thankful that I don’t know the pain and the shame of a life completely wasted. I am thrilled that I can say that God has been my Faithful and True Redeemer since as long as I can remember. I know that it is only by His grace that my sins (that I definitely have, though they may not be as visible as others) have been washed away, and only through His great love that I was spared from what I could have easily become.
But I still don’t understand WHY ME? I am thankful. I don’t wish for a different story to tell. Yet I hate that so often those whose stories are so different from mine think that somehow I am better than they. Believe me, I am just as messed up and in need of a Savior. In Christ alone, my hope is found. The question still remains: why did God, in His infinite love and wisdom, decide to make it easy for me? I was a Christian Thought minor in college. I know the textbook theological answer – everything He does is ultimately for His glory and our good. Like David long ago, I have to still and quiet my soul and just be ok with that answer.
So how can my story and one the complete antithesis of my own both accomplish the same goal – for His glory and our good? I know the right answer to this question, but my heart doesn’t accept it today….
I’m still not quite satisfied. I want to be.
I don’t know how many people actually read this blog. But if you read this post and have any insight that could help, please comment.
And while you’re at it, I’ve got a friend who is desperate for God to break through in a big way. Please pray with me for a miracle.
More on this topic to follow.
2 thoughts on “Why?”
Tough question…>>My thoughts are that God uses every story to touch people. You may reach different people than those who need to hear the “other” kind of story, but you still are touching those who need Christ’s love. You are showing them that you have been living your life for the Lord and look what He has done with your life! Amazing things. It may not seem as exciting as others but I truly believe God blessed you with such a life in order to reach out to others who need to hear a similar story. >>You and your friend are in my prayers 🙂
I often wonder the same thing, because my own story mirrors yours in many ways. I used to be ashamed of the blessings in my life until God convicted me that I was denying Him the glory you talk about by downplaying His goodness to me.>>And I also consider this: Hebrews 11:40-12:1>“God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”>>Perhaps, like Kim said, God is using you to inspire others, to be a part of the ‘great cloud of witnesses.’ He is joining you with others to carry onto completion what He began in them, in us. I have no answer as to why He’s chosen you to receive these blessings beyond measure or why He chooses any of us to for any purpose. I just know that in His infinite wisdom He carries out His will. And like you, I must trust in it beyond my own understanding.>>Leigh