Today I’m sharing some truth that I struggle to believe. I accept that it is true, but often feel like it’s not proving true for me. And I often wonder how different my life would be if I fully embraced this truth and walked in it daily. That’s the goal…to love the truth….to be found walking in the truth.
I’m turning 30 in a matter of months. My mom had four kids by the time she was 30, and while I never had a specific goal of matching her on that front, I always expected that I would be married with children by now. The reality is that I don’t even have any friendships with single men right now. I am quite lonely and while I do not mourn my singleness, I do want to be a wife and mother more than anything and I worry that it’s never going to happen.
The hardest part of all this is that during the week I’m not bothered. I may be single but it makes no difference at work. I am a leader in my workplace. I am successful and respected. I am on my way to being a school principal.
But then we get to Sunday and suddenly there’s no hiding. I’m alone. I’m a single woman in the church….and so there must be something wrong with me. Suddenly I feel like I’m no longer a legitimate adult….that I’m demoted to the bench or the JV squad….that’s there’s nothing that I can help with.
The lies come hard and fast on Sundays. They say I’m a second-class citizen. They tell me I still need to sit at the kids’ table. They tell me I have no place in the body…that I will never belong until I have a husband and family.
Why do I feel this way in the one place I should never question my worth?
And so on Sundays I have to tell myself the truth: I am a daughter of the King. I am loved. I am his workmanship — his masterpiece — his handiwork — created to do good works that God prepared and dreamed up before I was born. Not only do I have a place and a seat at this table, I have a purpose. There is a role for me that no one else can fill. Maybe I haven’t discovered it yet but that doens’t mean that it doesn’t exist.
I belong. I belong to Him. I am a treasured part of this family. And one day I will believe and live it.